Thursday, July 31, 2008

Closed circuit to Learned Foot

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!
"We don't like the fact that we allowed their fans to come into our park and have a four-day party. But that's our fault."

-- Brewers' manager Ned Yost

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Don't worry - he's plenty inflated!

HT to Hugh, President-wannabe Obama said the following today in lieu of an actual energy policy:
There's things that you can do individually though to save energy. Making sure your tires are properly inflated. Simple thing. But we could save all the oil they are talking about getting off drilling if everybody was just inflating their tires. And getting regular tune-ups. You could actually save just as much.

I don't know about his tires, but Obama's ego is plenty inflated. His intellect, however... Well, I won't bother fisking his math, because John at Powerline beat me to it.

So as I understand it, B. O. says we can't drill our way out of our energy problem, but the odd trip to Jiffy Lube will make everything all better.

Wow.

Big news!

It appears congratulations are in order -- Ben and Faith are engaged!

All the best, you crazy kids!

I've got to figure this is the first official inter-MOB union...

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Got nuts?

Snickers has pulled an advertisement in response to objections from gay rights groups.

Here's the ad:


Personally, I think Mars needs to "get some nuts." And those who took offense should also grow a pair -- along with a sense of humor.

Dingbat's a Muslim?

This struck me funny -- it was on FoxNews.com front page yesterday.



Of course, the description is mismatched to the video, which was actually of an old O'Reilly interview of Jean Stapleton.

Sorry... I'm easily amused.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

MilF photojournal, 2008 edition

Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, Friday was the annual Running of the MilF (formally, the "Fourth Annual Millard Fillmore Memorial KARNation Open Championship Golf Outing Classic" -- whatever...). Despite a rainy morning, we had great (although humid) weather for golf in the afternoon, followed by the post-MilF, featuring copious amounts of sausage consumption and awesome pyrotechnics (well, ok, not so much, but the sausages were good).

The event was fake-liveblogged here and twittered here, and Leo has a wrapup here (sorry if I've missed anyone else's coverage).

We began with the Reading of the Rules...


"Where the f--- is everyone?!"



No, really, we're all paying attention, Foot.


Time to tee off. The first group was the twosome of John and Troy, team "Policy Johnson." Since they were the least experienced of the golfers there, they were told they could hit from the red tees if they wanted.

They did.



And of course, being the nice guys we are, no one gave them any crap about it. Definitely no "Policy Gal" jokes, or anything like that. Really. *snicker*

In the next foursome were teams The Comment Trolls and Nightmeister (John and Leo).

Then came our group, the decisive headliners of the MilF. My partner was former Mayor of the MOB, Andee Applecowsky, and we formed team "Teh Residual Feckes." (I don't get it...). Our playing partners were team Titaiaiaianic, comprised of bloggers extrordinaire, talk radio superstars, and charter members of the Northern Alliance proper, King Banaian (who is also current MOB Mayor) and Captain Ed Morrissey. Hence, NARN participation in this year's tournament was double that of any previous MilF!

Cap'n Ed was sporting some old-school persimmon clubs (i. e., actual "woods"), which were quite the curiosity at the first tee box. Nothin' wrong with 'em, though, as Ed was probably the most consistently solid of the four of us off the tee.

Here is King admiring Cap'n Ed's wood...



And following our group to round out the tournament was three other guys.


"Where the f---'s my ball?!"


The golf was fun, but the course was punishing, and many balls were sacrificed. I had one flash of brilliance on the first par five (#4, 463 yds), when I was just off the back edge of the green in two! Then, I remembered that I suck at golf and still managed to bogey the hole. D'oh!

-----


Then, it was off to the post-MilF, which was hosted by Learned and Mrs. Foot (who was an angel for putting up with us!). It began with the awards ceremony, emceed by our caustic friend (picture someone with the charm of a Packers fan and the humility of Barack Obama -- that's Foot)




As predicted the other day, the fix was in, and the big winners were team KARNation in Assless Chaps. Here's the Nihilist in Golf Pants kissing Foot's cup (ewwww...)



Teh Residual Feckes finished in the top half of the field, a respectable 3rd place. As we Cubs fans are used to saying, "Wait 'til next year!"

With the formalities out of the way, it was time to eat, drink, and be merry. Among the attendees (not mentioned elsewhere) were Brad and Jennifer Carlson, Sequel, Chief, Mitch, and Atomizer.

Here's one of the happy couple (Uncle Ben and Mall Diva)


Awwww....


And other random party pics...









The food was great. John, the Night Writer stepped in, well, masterfully as Master of Sausages (in fact, he may have just "won" himself a permanent job). It seems he's already lined up a celebrity endorsement gig.



Other culinary delights were provided by Lassie (a salad "for the vegetarian wussies" and "Cleveland Steamers") and Jennifer (a fruit pizza that was devoured in record time).

As we dined, we anxiously awaited a segment on Almanac featuring David Strom, which was enthusiastically live-fisked. (Andy's got the video.)



Later came the fireworks (ok, the sparklers). Don't try this at home, kids!




The contraption below being stuffed with said sparklers was dubbed the "tongue of fire"



However, the first attempt to light the TOF yielded only a toppled structure, a small yard fire, and loud en masse cries of "FAIL!!"



The second effort was a little better.



At was at this time I had to leave, so I cannot vouch for the wildness of the rest of the evening. I had a great time, though, and (seriously) I'd like to thank Foot and his family for again hosting the MilF and the post-MilF.

And the Brewers suck.

Until next year....

Friday, July 25, 2008

Parody or prophesy?

I'm pretty sure this piece from the Times of London is intended to be tongue in cheek (read the whole thing -- very funny!)...
And it came to pass, in the eighth year of the reign of the evil Bush the Younger (The Ignorant), when the whole land from the Arabian desert to the shores of the Great Lakes had been laid barren, that a Child appeared in the wilderness.

The Child was blessed in looks and intellect. Scion of a simple family, offspring of a miraculous union, grandson of a typical white person and an African peasant. And yea, as he grew, the Child walked in the path of righteousness, with only the occasional detour into the odd weed and a little blow.

When he was twelve years old, they found him in the temple in the City of Chicago, arguing the finer points of community organisation with the Prophet Jeremiah and the Elders. And the Elders were astonished at what they heard and said among themselves: "Verily, who is this Child that he opens our hearts and minds to the audacity of hope?"

In the great Battles of Caucus and Primary he smote the conniving Hillary, wife of the deposed King Bill the Priapic and their barbarian hordes of Working Class Whites....

...but if one were to ask the disciples at MSNBC, I suspect they would be highly offended at the suggestion of finding humor in the prophesy of Obam-Uh..

Best of the MOB, July 18 - 24

Update: Congrats to Master of Sausages and NuttyBuddy(TM) pitch man, John the Night Writer for this week's BOMOB victory!

----------------------------

Happy Friday!

Please check out the posts below and vote either here or at the sidebar. The poll will stay open until noon on Monday. Vote early and often, and have a great weekend!

Best of the MOB, 7/18 - 7/24/08
  • "How to be Marriageable: Class 1," The Night Writer, July 22. Nominated for a healthy dose of thoughtful advice for the dudes (now he tells me!).

  • "Bad Timing," Freedom Dogs, July 23. Nominated for pointing out that just because a bad idea may eventually become right doesn't mean it wasn't a bad idea in the first place.

  • "Advancement via Competition," Space Beagle, July 23. Nominated for highlighting the difference between our presidential candidates on school choice -- even if the media won't.

  • "Congressional support (or lack thereof.)," Coldheartedtruth, July 24. Nominated for questioning why there seems to be a wave of maverick-ism against McCain.

  • "Talula Does the Hula," Casual Sundays with Mr. Curry, July 24. Nominated for adding a "Who's on First" twist to an already funny story.


  • (poll now closed)

    Thursday, July 24, 2008

    Who's up for the MilF?

    Yes, it's that time of year again. Tomorrow at Valleywood will be the Fourth Annual Millard Fillmore Memorial KARNation Open Championship Golf Outing Classic (a.k.a., "The MilF").

    As usual, Learned Foot has stacked the deck to ensure being on the winning team, but it should be fun anyway (provided I don't get "accidentally" plunked by an errant tee shot). Your humble correspondent is paired this year with Teh 4mer Mayer of the MOB to form team "Teh Residual Feckes." We'll be sure to spend plenty of time exchanging hair care tips between holes.

    If the weather doesn't suck, it should be a good day of golf followed by substantial consumption of pork products. Like last year, I expect to be able to provide a photoblog of the festivities. Until then...

    FORE!!

    No silly names

    Judge Makes Girl, 9, Ward of the Court to Rid Her of 'Talula Does the Hula' Name
    WELLINGTON, New Zealand — A family court judge in New Zealand has had enough with parents giving their children bizarre names here, and did something about it.

    Just ask Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii. He had her renamed.

    Judge Rob Murfitt made the 9-year-old girl a ward of the court so that her name could be changed, he said in a ruling made public Thursday. The girl was involved in a custody battle, he said.

    The new name was not made public to protect the girl's privacy....

    In his ruling, Murfitt cited a list of the unfortunate names.

    Registration officials blocked some names, including Fish and Chips, Yeah Detroit, Keenan Got Lucy and Sex Fruit, he said. But others were allowed, including Number 16 Bus Shelter "and tragically, Violence," he said.

    New Zealand law does not allow names that would cause offense to a reasonable person, among other conditions, said Brian Clarke, the registrar general of Births, Deaths and Marriages.

    Clarke said officials usually talked to parents who proposed unusual names to convince them about the potential for embarrassment.

    In cases such as this, I think that the court should not only intervene to relieve the children from these obnoxious names, but they should go the next step and rename the parents, too. Maybe something like, "Asshat." Or, "FAIL!"

    Barack Hussein Obama could not be reached for comment.

    Tuesday, July 22, 2008

    Obam-Uh...

    Rush had a good bit today in which he asked his producer to extract all the "uh.."s and "um.."s from Barack Obama's speech from Jordan this morning.

    It was a 40 minute monologue, from which they recovered 8 full minutes of incoherent stammery goodness. That's 20% of the speech for those of you scoring at home.

    Someone get this man a teleprompter -- stat!


    Slow down!

    I'm amazed at the pace at which this summer is passing by, and the same is true for the lives of my daughters.

    Over the past few weeks, they both had their birthdays.

    Amanda turned seven on July 2...



    ...and Jennifer turned six on July 11.



    Each wanted to celebrate her special day at Nickelodeon Universe (the amusement park formerly known as Camp Snoopy), followed by going out for pizza. Then, last weekend, we met up with my mom & dad around Madison (to split the driving duties) for another weekend of birthday festivities.

    I can see these girls becoming more brave and independent with each passing day. At TAPFKACS, they both wanted to venture onto the "big kid" rides, even though they had only recently surpassed the "you must be this tall" benchmark for them (particularly Amanda - she went on this, this, and even this - twice!). And at the hotel swimming pool, they no longer needed their dad to hang on to them in the water.

    Among other recent milestones, Amanda is now riding a bicycle sans training wheels. And Jennifer just lost her top front baby teeth. (Before she lost the last one, she qualified for a SAB with this fellow...)



    Don't get me wrong - it's wonderful to see them blossom and fluorish. When people say that kids grow up too fast, though, they're not kidding! I'm afraid to blink, lest one asks to borrow the car keys. And it's only a short 28 more years before the oldest is allowed to start dating!

    Wednesday, July 16, 2008

    Vacation

    I'll be leaving tomorrow for a daddy-daughter road trip through the weekend. See y'all Monday!

    Sunday, July 13, 2008

    Someone over there gets it

    A friend sent me a link to this Telegraph article: George W. Bush - buffoon or great leader?

    In the article, Sameh El-Shahat lays out a case that is, in my opinion, well ahead of the curve. Eventually, I believe this will be the generally accepted historical narrative of the Bush presidency, but for now, it's certainly a minority opinion.

    An excerpt:
    Yes, we’ve all heard the Bushisms and laughed at them but do you really think somebody supposedly that thick can make it to the top of the most sophisticated political system the world has ever seen?

    No, and that is because Mr Bush is far cleverer than most of his predecessors. He may not have been a Rhodes Scholar, but he has the ability to reach out to his people and read them.

    Take the Iraq war for example....
    [When] there were calls to pull out, Mr Bush just followed his own counsel and doubled his bet with the Surge.

    And he was right because Iraq is in a relatively better shape today than it ever was and Al Qa'eda is a shadow of its former self in that country.

    This is a man who has the courage of his convictions....

    Hating George W. Bush is not only dull and unoriginal, but it shows a complete lack of understanding of the world in which we live in.

    You want liberty but you don’t want to defend it... right.

    So to those who wish to categorize a McCain presidency as "Bush's third term," I say, "Good!" It is better than the dangerously incompetent alternative.

    Saturday, July 12, 2008

    RIP, Tony

    Tony Snow died of cancer today. There are few with the breadth of experience Tony had on both sides of the fence between journalism and politics; he served in the administrations of both current and former Presidents Bush, and he was a long time anchor at Fox News.

    Tributes are plentiful on the news channels today, especially FNC, and online at sites such as National Review's The Corner.

    Of course, the words of remembrance today praise Tony's talent, professionalism, and patriotism, but anyone that has followed his career won't be surprised that the majority of the sentiments expressed today were simply that Tony Snow was a great guy.

    Hearing those who knew him speak of his kindness, generosity, optimism, and love for his family, it is clear that Snow was the sort to always do the good and right thing, even when no one was looking, and even when it was clear that he was losing his battle with cancer. In that respect, he was a great role model. I just heard Brit Hume say on TV, "He taught us how to live, and he taught us how to die."

    A great American was taken from us way too soon today.

    Friday, July 11, 2008

    Best of the MOB, July 4 - 10

    Update: Congrats to this week's winner -- Kevin "Potty Mouth" Ecker!

    ---------------------

    Happy Friday!

    Please check out the posts below and vote either here or at the sidebar. The poll will stay open until noon on Monday. Vote early and often, and have a great weekend!

    Best of the MOB, 7/4 - 7/10/08
  • "July 7, 1998: Our first conversation," and "The Other Side of the Story," The Brad Carlson blog, July 7. Nominated for chronicling the genesis of Mr. & Mrs. Carlson's relationship.

  • "What's Wrong with Being Middle Class?," Downingworld, July 8. Nominated for highlighting the merits of dispensing with class warfare.

  • "Nazi Fighter, Protector of Jews," Chisago County GOP, July 8. Nominated for a nice remembrance of Irena Sendler, the rightful recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize won instead by our bloated former vice president.

  • "How to kill the elderly and lose your inheritance, part 2," Bike Bubba'a Bits, July 10. Nominated for noting the downside of the government, not families, taking care of our elderly.

  • "Hope Keeps Changing More And More Into Pure Crapola," EckerNet, July 10. Nominated for, well, let's just say I don't think he'll be signing up for Spanish classes anytime soon.


  • (poll now closed)

    Wednesday, July 09, 2008

    Another "Reverend Problem"

    B. O. sure does have a lot of crazy uncles! This time, it's Jesse.
    The Rev. Jesse Jackson apologized Wednesday for saying Barack Obama is "talking down to black people" during what Jackson thought was a private conversation before a FOX News interview Sunday.

    Jackson was speaking to a guest at the time about Obama’s speeches in black churches and his support for faith-based charities. Jackson added before going live, "I want to cut his nuts off."

    Jesse, Jesse, Jesse. Settle down -- you're way too sensitive. Barack talks down to everyone, not just black people! (Especially if they don't speak French.)

    And let's not forget, Barack Obama is already the most liberal US Senator. Cutting off his nuts would just be redundant.

    Sunday, July 06, 2008

    Bumper sticker

    If you like this, feel free to use or share:

    Happy Independence Day

    Hey, all. I hope you and your families all had a wonderful 4th of July. It's a time to celebrate not only the anniversary of our country's independence, but also the freedoms that we enjoy as Americans.

    That includes, of course, the freedom to be a jerk.

    For example, take these clowns who decided on a tone for July 4 that was less celebratory than it was masturbatory.
    The Fourth of July is again proving to be a difficult time for some on the American left who are uncomfortable with the flag-waving of those, who unlike them, admire America.

    Robert Scheer at The Nation — the self described "flagship of the left" — calls Independence Day "Oil Dependence Day" saying, "Only in an America dumbed down by constant propaganda about our innate moral superiority will anyone any longer believe that we didn't invade Iraq for the oil."

    And Matthew Rothschild, editor of the left-wing magazine The Progressive, says he's no patriot because, "Patriotism has done more to stack the corpses millions high in the last 300 years than any other factor."

    And columnist Chris Satullo, former editorial page editor of the Philadelphia Inquirer, writes in that paper, "This year America doesn't deserve to celebrate its birthday. This Fourth of July should be a day of quiet and atonement. For we have sinned."

    Tell ya what, guys. If it's all the same to you, we'll stick to barbecues and fireworks and save the quiet and atonement for a holiday that is really characterized by a dumbed-down America, constant propaganda, and faux moral superiority.

    Like Earth Day.

    Wednesday, July 02, 2008

    This war is lost...

    ...or so say those who can't be bothered with the facts.
    You may have thought it was big news Tuesday when the administration reported to Congress that Iraq has made satisfactory progress on 15 of 18 political benchmarks set by the U.S.

    Just last year, there was progress on only eight of those benchmarks and war critics have repeatedly cited the lack of political progress in arguing against the troop surge.

    But the Media Research Center says there was not a word about the report on the "CBS Evening News," "NBC Nightly News" or ABC's "World News Tonight." The New York Times also ignored the story. The Washington Post relegated its coverage to page eight.

    This is how the Associated Press began its story on the report: "No matter who is elected president in November, his foreign policy team will have to deal with... the slow pace with which the government in Baghdad operates."

    When reached for comment, Sen. Harry Reid put his fingers in his ears and shouted at the top of his lungs, "LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!!!!"

    Tuesday, July 01, 2008

    Obama hypocrisy of the day

    It appears that our friend Barack Obama is again advocating change -- changing history, that is. Obama has again applied a rather loose definition of "passed a law."
    Barack Obama is championing welfare reform in his new television ad titled "Dignity." The ad says that Obama "passed a law to move people from welfare to work — slashed the rolls by 80 percent."

    But the television spot fails to mention that Obama resisted the very welfare reform bill that led to the reduction in the caseload. Back in 1996, President Bill Clinton signed a federal reform bill in an effort to make welfare what he called "a second chance, not a way of life."

    But then-Illinois state Senator Obama told the Cleveland Plain Dealer newspaper that year that Mr. Clinton's stance on welfare was "disturbing."

    And on May 31, 1997 Obama said on the floor of the Illinois state Senate, "I probably would not have supported the federal legislation."

    This guy is becoming about as credible as Baghdad Bob.


    "Yes, I'm very qualified. You elect me President now. I change you!"